Merry Christmas!
My presents are still wrapped under the tree, and I feel lonely this holiday… which isn’t shocking. I think Christmas is my hardest holiday to spend alone. It’s the only holiday I decorate for, but I can never seem to get in the holiday spirit.
This year, I decided not to drink, but I might get stoned. I hate to admit that I use these vices to cope, but let’s be honest…I do.
Side note: I FINALLY GOT TO SEE A WHITE CHRISTMAS!
I wrote the snippet above on the morning of Christmas, after some self-loathing for being familyless during the holiday, but now it’s later in the day. My friend, who is also spending this time alone, stopped by and brought me the most amazing banana foster cinnamon rolls you could ever imagine. They were delectable… I could eat 14 more if given the chance.
Oh, and I almost forgot to mention that there was a Christmas present at my front door from my old professor. When I tell you I opened the package and felt the most soft and luxurious blanket in the world… I mean it. This blanket feels like a fucking cloud. I wrapped myself in it like a cocoon this morning, and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to go back to a regular blanket again.
Anyways, I’ll stop bragging about my blanket now. I guess what I want to say is that maybe I don’t have family and maybe I mope around during the holidays, but this year I’ve felt more loved than I ever have in my entire life. This holiday reminded me that family aren’t the only people who will love me, and I am far more loved than I ever realized. I just had to start letting myself see it.