So…I’ve written the least since I started my blog which is ironic because I created this page for that exact purpose. Right now, I feel like everything I write has to be life changing or poetic. I also have been up to my nose in balancing being a student and a teaching assistant while also transitioning back into having an overnight job. Time is most definitely NOT on my side. I’ve been so busy to the point that all I do when I get home is go straight to bed…I haven’t had any ‘me time’ in ages, but I pray that will change sooner rather than later.
But back to not writing…sometimes I forget that this blog doesn’t have to be perfect and quite frankly, not everything I write has to be posted. Mary Oliver once said that, “you do not have to be good.” I think of this line from one of her poems quite often and I can’t seem get it out of my head. I first heard of Mary Oliver in a poetry class I took in college with a professor I adore (and if you are reading this: I LOVE YOU & MISS YOU SO SO MUCH). She was actually the first professor I ever had…woke up bright and early my freshman year for her 8 am English 101 class. I ended taking her poetry class my last semester of college before I graduated. Isn’t it beautiful how some things come full circle, so beautiful to the point that it makes you tear up in this exact moment just thinking about it? She’s the professor that changed my life and I don’t think I would’ve ever truly written anything if it wasn’t because of her…she believed in me more than anyone else ever had.
But back to the point and to stop crying, I’ve often struggled with being overly critical of myself and everything that I do…I’ve always felt the incessant need to constantly improve myself, but the truth is I’m tired of pushing. I just want to breathe again and not worry about everything going on. So as of lately when I feel as if I’m about to exceed my limits and have a complete meltdown, I remind myself that I don’t have to be good. I’m allowed to take my life slow. As sappy and dumbly poetic as it sounds, I only get to live each and every day once, and I’m sick of multiple days becoming one big blur. I want to feel like I’m living again and that in itself should good enough.