What’s one moment in your life that completely changed the way you think or approach the world?
I don’t remember the exact day this moment occurred, but I do remember the exact place I was at. I was sitting in my first-ever one-bedroom apartment at my dining table. I was in my favorite rollie chair, finishing up my tuna salad with romaine lettuce that I’d made for lunch. My former best friend was keeping me company on the phone while she was on her lunch break at work. I don’t know exactly how we got on the topic, but we started talking about what our dream careers were when we were kids.
I began by saying I always wanted to become a singer and how my mom kept insisting I should try out for American Idol. My friend shared that she had the same dream of becoming a singer and even brought it up to her family once. She went right up to her mom and said, “I want to be a famous singer when I grow up.” Her mom laughed in her face and told her she would never be able to become a singer. In that moment, my heart sank. I could never fathom crushing an 8-year-old’s dream in an instant. I started tearing up over the phone as I told her how sorry I felt for her in that moment.
My mom always told me that I could be whoever I wanted to be, do whatever I wanted to do, and live a life I loved. She always encouraged me to pursue the things that made me happy. She’s the reason I believe in myself so deeply as an adult. She made my world of possibilities feel endless and is the reason I’ve come as far as I have in life. I may no longer speak to my mom, but I am forever grateful that she shaped me into the woman I am today.
My friend, on the other hand, can’t seem to shake the idea that she can never do anything right. She has so many brilliant ideas about what she wants to do and what her future could look like, but she can never take the first steps. She’s constantly scared she’s going to fail and be ridiculed by her parents over and over again. She doesn’t believe in herself and is just waiting for someone to come and save her or fix her. We both ended up crying on the phone—me, sorry for how she was treated as a child, and her, mourning the loss of the person she could have been if someone had just believed in her.
That day, I realized that the way you are treated growing up has on hell of an impact on who you become. Not just in the sense of whether either of us became a singer, but in how our confidence affects every decision we ever make. Your words MATTER, and the way you treat people MATTERS. No matter how big or small, simply telling someone “No” or laughing in someone’s face can have a lifetime of consequences. Encouragement matters. Believing in people matters. This especially matters when it comes to youth, while children are developing. You have no idea what difference it may make in the future. Ever since that phone call, I’ve tried my best to be careful with my actions and intentions, and to be mindful of my words. I especially think about it for when I have kids one day. I want them to believe, with every ounce of their being, that they can conquer anything they set their minds to.
So, yeah, one phone call with my former best friend in Knoxville changed how I approach the world with my words, and I’ll never forget it.